


In which Lucy Lane is too thirsty for her own good

by Anonymous



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Crack, Crisis on Infinite Earths Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), F/F, Smallville - Freeform, part two spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21747520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: What if Lucy was around in Crisis?
Relationships: Lucy Lane/Alura In-Ze | Alura Zor-El
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29
Collections: Anonymous





	In which Lucy Lane is too thirsty for her own good

**Author's Note:**

> This is terrible but you can’t stop me.

There was a flash of light as countless heroes materialised in the DEO. Those from Earth-1, and those from elsewhere; it was those from within her own universe that drew Kara’s attention first.

“You’re alive!” Kara said.

She hurried over to the three she knew the most, Clark and Lois standing side by side, and Lucy standing just a few steps behind them. They looked as bewildered as anyone.

“Thanks to the Monitor,” Lois said. “He saved us at the last second.”

“Yeah,” Lucy said. She swayed slightly, unsteady. “What _happened_ to Argo?”

“You were on Argo?” Kara said. “Were you visiting Lois?”

“Um, uh, yeah,” Lucy said. She coughed. “Visiting Lois. That’s totally why.”

“Really? I didn’t see you,” Lois said.

“Oh, um, I’d only just gotten there,” Lucy said. She rubbed her wrists, tugging her sleeves down. “Got a bit tied up. Totally haven’t been there months.”

There was a long pause. Soon, though, it was decided the fate of the multiverse was more important than Lucy acting strange.

Then Clark jumped, looking down at himself.

“Clark?” Kara said.

“I swear I wasn’t wearing this on Argo,” Clark said. “The suit’s… new.”

“A wardrobe change can’t be that hard for something that whisks us off a dying world,” Lois said.

“Thank god for that,” Lucy muttered. She looked down at herself, slightly flushed.

“What?” Kara said.

“Nothing!” Lucy said.

* * *

Earth-38 had fallen. Now most of those that had survived were on a Waverider, with the Monitor himself in charge. Lucy took a moment to herself.

That, and the big, melodramatic speeches had never sat well with her. She’d approached the control room, overheard someone talking about Paragons, and promptly turned around and walked out of there.

Besides, she’d lost her universe. Her world, her… Everyone on Argo, especially Alura. She was allowed a moment to herself.

Someone knocked on her door. After a moment, Lucy looked up.

“Um, hi?” Lucy said.

It was the stranger, the woman calling herself Harbinger and wearing some kind of Star Trek cosplay.

“Hello,” Lyla said. She hesitated. “How much did you hear?”

“End of the world, searching the multiverse, probably not much use for me,” Lucy said. “Why?”

“There are Paragons,” Lyla said. She paused again. “Seven people that might be able to help us, a Paragon of Destiny, of Courage, and… other qualities.”

“…Okay?” Lucy said.

“There are other Paragons, those that might not be as useful in our fight, but should be saved nonetheless,” Lyla said. “Felicity interpreted a passage in her Book…”

Lyla hesitated.

“We think you’re one,” Lyla said.

Lucy blinked.

“ _Huh_?”

“Not one of the Seven,” Lyla said. “But the Book seems to indicate you’re the Paragon of, ah.”

“Give me a second,” Lucy said. “I’m a what?”

“A Paragon,” Lyla said.

“ _Of_?!”

Lyla paused.

“Horniness.”

There was a much longer pause.

“Sorry, I’m the what?” Lucy said.

“The Paragon of horniness,” Lyla said, slightly awkwardly. “It’s what the book said. It isn’t clear how much… use that would be, but we wouldn’t mind if you’d… help, just in case.”

Lucy stared. Well, honestly, given how her last few months had gone, from suddenly dating her friend’s mom, to losing a universe, to being warped away by a cosmic being, that somehow wasn’t the strangest thing that had happened.

“…Sure,” Lucy said. “What do you need?”

* * *

There were a lot of Earths out there. Now Lucy was on some kind of multiversal road trip with her sister and her sister’s husband, sorting through them all, trying to find a Superman.

Eventually they made it to some out of the way farm, one that looked faintly familiar.

“Hello, are you… Clark Kent?” Lois said, as they approached a plaid-wearing local.

He looked at them strangely. Lucy shrugged and opted to walk off, leaving them to it. They could deal with all these shenanigans; there hadn’t been this kind of over-the-top stuff happening when she was around, she’d met one Martian, dealt with a couple of government conspiracies, then moved in with her alien girlfriend.

Not… whatever all this was.

Lucy came to a screeching stop as she caught sight of someone else. There was a woman standing around outside the barn, taking in a breath of fresh air.

“Hello?” she said. “Do we know you?”

“Don’t think so,” Lucy said faintly. “My… friends are talking to Clark. And you’re…”

Alura was hot. Lucy was pretty much contractually obligated to think that, and she’d even gotten into those Kryptonian robes. Alura wearing tight jeans and a denim jacket though was immediately giving Lucy a whole host of new thoughts.

Ok, maybe this whole travelling the multiverse thing had its advantages.

Hey, if she was the Paragon of horniness, it was technically her duty to thirst over the people she encountered. If she looked at it that way, it would just be wrong to not entertain a few thoughts.

“Holy shit,” Lucy said.

The woman cocked her head, and after a moment couldn’t help but smirk.

“Now _that’s_ a reaction,” she said.

“Sorry, just… wow, you look exactly like my girlfriend,” Lucy said.

“And _that’s_ a cliché,” the woman said.

“Seriously,” Lucy said. She took a deep breath. “Not even kidding. It’s… wow.”

An Alura on a world where she wore tight pants and button-up shirts was… promising. It probably figured she hung out with Superman.

The woman paused for a moment, looking Lucy up and down. After a few seconds, apparently deciding she liked what she saw, she smiled and hopped down from the step, offering her hand.

“Well in that case,” she said. “Lois Lane.”

Lucy’s brain came to a screeching halt.

Um.

“Who?!” Lucy said hoarsely.

“Huh? My name,” the woman said. “Lois Lane. And you are?”

“Having bad thoughts,” Lucy said. “Having _really_ bad thoughts.”

Lois blinked.

“I should go,” Lucy said, not moving.

No. Bad! That was bad!

Well it wasn’t really her sister, and she looked just like her girlfriend, and-

Still bad! Wrong!

Lucy managed a staggered step away. She took a deep breath.

“I should go… go check on my friends. Yeah,” Lucy said. “Unless- no, should go, should really go…”

Mystified, Lois watched her leave.


End file.
